The first post.

The first post will be about how I don't feel good enough for you. I don't feel worthy of your presence. The first time I realize that I cared about you was when your grandmother passed away, that was the first day I saw you as an actually human being. I heard the brokeness in your voice, I kne how you felt, I knew that you were about to lose control and people were going to try to touch and say things will get better, I knew that you wouldn't believe it, I knew that you would reject the thought of everything ever being okay. I knew exactly how you felt and I wanted to tell you that I was there for you but that wasn't my place at all. I didn't feel like I had ground to even think about trying to say that sometimes talking to someone outside of the situation outside of your normal people who make things better, would give you this relief that the people you care bouv most won't see you break down. That was the day that my entire view on you changed completely. That was the day that I started to care about you. Soon after we fought again, soon after your words were craved into my legs. Soon after your opinion matter. Soon after I started to wonder what you were doing, soon after o started to lurk the shit out of you, I was curious, but I had to stay away, it still wasn't my place to say a damn thing to you. I was confused on why I saw this light in you, you had this way of drawing me in but I never let myself get close enough to even be in touching reach, I was curious but I stayed away because it wasn't my place. I stayed away because you helped me with telling Brittney shit. You would have never guessed that you were a thought on my mind. Than one day you put a smile on my face, a smile that I didn't paint on, I was lost and confused, I didn't understand why I finally had the chance to say all the thing I wanted to but it wasn't my place still. I would say slowly but it all happened so fastly, it happened on a blink of an eye, you were suddenly mine, I was suddenly yours. I honestly couldn't ask for anything better, it was just this fairy tale come to reality, my reality the reality that always sucks and never gives me anything good because I was never meant to be happy but finally it's my turn to actually be happy and not have to pretend that it's all going to be okay, I can believe that now. You asked me why are different, you are different because our past wasn't that great and look at us now, I've been on the other end of the phone when you are in battle mode, I've seen youdefend your friends, I've seen you defend me, you hve no reason to be the way you are, everyone would completely understand If you feel apart it would be okay you would be held up but you refuse to not stand on your own two feet, so many other people that I know would just give up everyone I've date would just go up on everything. No one would do the things you do for me. You are different with the way you make me feel, you give me butterflies, you make my palms sweat, my heart races with each touch, I smile with just a text from you, when I hear your voice my heart stops for just a moment, each kiss makes my heart skip a beat. You make me speechless with almost all your words, you make me nervous. I don't think you understand that it's not every othe lesbian that make me feel this way, I've talked to ten girls at one time and none of them caught my attention they way you do, not one of them every made me feel like thing could be okay, not a damn one of them could ever give me just one look and make me feel like the entire world is frozen, when I'm with you, it's like only us and a few select people are alive and on the world with us, it's just this world of happiness and okayness with you. Every touch stops time, it's an endless amount of time that I want to spend with you. You are the first thought in the morning, regardless of you bein next to me, you are my last at night, even if I didn't kiss you goodnight, you are my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. You are different because no one else has or could ever make me feel this way. I hate feeling all of this so soon, I won't lie it scares me because never have I let someone in so fast, onto everything so fast. But I'm okay with this because how you make me feel takes eerything else away.



-burying my toughts 6 feet under.