I've lost all my trust.

I dont know why and I dont know how but my trust is gone, its just disappeared. You love me, you make that very clear, we are good, we are happy right... right. But there is jsut something about how you act after coming back from hanging with my brother... you are different, you are just like him. I dont want to date my brother, I want to date Emily. But thats not why I dont trust you, its not that I dont trust you, I do. Its more of a I dont trust myself. You dont care about anything, you dont care if you end up in jail, you dont care if you end up with hep c, you dont care if the cancer kills you, you dont care if you end up six feet under, nothing matters to you.. You dont fight to survive, you are getting credit for being alive without actually having to do anything, its not fair. I wish for death every day, I have to try to survive. But you, you just dont care, you couldnt care any less about anything. I wish that you would care, we are supposed to be together forever but if you end up in jail or dead, how is that forever. How is that fair? Here is why shit didnt happen, because I dont like my own body, I hate that you look at it, I hate that you see it, I hate that its not like the girls on tumblr, I hate that my body is disgusting, I hate every inch of my body, its fat, its different colors, its just plain gross. I hate to look at it in the mirror, I get out of the shower and throw on a towel so I dont have to see it, and you, you want your hands and your lips all over this body that I hate, that I am ashamed off. I dont like my own body why should you like it. I just want to disappear and never show this body that repulses me to anyone ever again. I dont understand why you dont care about my body, you should be like youre fucking digusting do something with yourself, I know that sounds retarded but buh. I just hate everything about myself, every little thing. UGH, I am going to stop typing now. sfn;li gho;gsoh hgsdn;go hasdg uahgasdghajk gn hagagihasdgna;os j;io ; HASGHA DFG

-Am I Six Feet Under Yet.







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